Friday, January 18, 2008

Dust Mite Exclusive: Nomar Stole The Ball!

Our crack Boston Dust Mites Investigative Team (actually the friend of a lady from Montana who e-mailed us with the story) has uncovered the truth about the missing 2007 World Series ball.

The close associate of a friend of the lady from Montana overheard a clerk at the Missoula Wal-Mart saying that former Red Sox scumbag Nomar Garciaparra was in possession of the historic sphere.

BDM has further learned that the wife of scumbag former Red Sox player Nomar Garciaparra planted the story about Jonathan Papelbon's dog eating the ball to cover up the REAL TRUTH. No corroboration was attempted on this story. Why should we need it? Everybody knows Nomar is a scumbag.

If you needed any further proof, here is an un-doctored photo of a cryptic message on Garciaparra's left wrist sweatband that clearly shows his boastful guilt.

In the tradition of Boston Dust Mite quality journalism, we will not give up on this story. We pledge to you, our loyal readers, that even if we have to keep making stuff up, we will demonstrate the demonic nature of Nomar and his culpability for all things that went wrong with the Red Sox before 2004!

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