Manny Tied To Global Warming

An exclusive Boston Dust Mite investigation has revealed that Red Sox left-fielder Manny Ramirez may be the principal cause of Global Warming. An undercover Dust Mite team visited Manny's Dominican Estate and found a 743 Megawatt coal-fired facility that is spewing hundreds of thousands of tons of harmful CO2 emissions into the atmosphere—more than the combined pollutants of Chad, Costa Rica and Myanmar.

What makes this revelation more troubling is that the coal plant does not produce any electricity for the energy-starved Dominican economy--in fact it runs without producing anything. Manny insists on this arrangement because he likes "all the cool smoke and stuff", according to an un-named BDM source who works for the $20 million star. While BDM has no definitive proof of this charge (other than hearsay), we, of course, have decided to go with the story. Hey, it's what we do best.