Contract Loophole Might Bring Papelbon Back

The Alleged Contract Violation

A totally unreliable source has disclosed to Boston Dust Mites that the Red Sox are exploring a potential loophole in Jonathan Papelbon's old contract that might bring him back just in time to help the dysfunctional bullpen. Apparently, the Red Sox had wisely inserted a clause in Papelbon's first contract that prohibited him from placing empty beer boxes on his head while on the field.  As everyone in The Nation remembers, Pap famously danced around Fenway Park in the wake of the 2007 ALCS Game 7 victory over the Cleveland Indians with an empty Bud Light box on his head (see photo).

Reportedly, the exact contract language states:

"Player acknowledges and agrees that any wearing of cardboard-based alcohol beverage containment devices on the field of play is proper grounds for an automatic one-year extension of this contract. Player also acknowledges and agrees that he will not grieve, appeal or otherwise challenge any club action to unilaterally extend this contract as a result of player's wearing of cardboard-based alcohol beverage containment devices on the field of play. Nor will he cause or authorize any third party, such as the Major League Baseball Players Association, to grieve, appeal or otherwise challenge any club action to extend this contract as a result of player's wearing of cardboard-based alcohol beverage containment devices on the field of play."

Sounds like a dead lock cinch that the Carmine Hose win this one! Get ready for a major bullpen upgrade!